OK So

Beauty Before Brains

2007-09-16T08:39:00.000-06:00

OK so, First off, two words, Miss Carolina...

Second, find the video of Britney singing at the MVAs, it's sad. I think we should all take some time and pray for Brit...Or do what this guy did.

Man's hugest fantasy

2007-08-30T22:10:00.000-06:00

OK so, if you can't get it from the photo, this is a shot of people playing video games on the side of a building. How totally cool is this. I would have gone up to them and asked about it, but well, you know me. Anys, this is just about the coolest thing I've ever seen.

Great Fashion Ads

2007-08-22T12:44:00.000-06:00

OK so, ever since watching Nick-at-Nite on my grandparents satellite dish in the early nineties I've been singing the tune from this first video... Oh Oh Sergio-o. The second is equally as delicious, enjoy...

Only in Russia

2007-08-17T08:28:00.000-06:00

Ok so, I think that I should start a whole series on things that happen only in Russia, I seem to come across a lot of amusing happening from the ex-communist state. This time is a new article from the Denver Post about the declining populations in Russia. It tells of a region that is giving it's citizens Sept 12th off to conceive a child. The goal is that babies will be born 9months later on Russia's National Day of June 12th. To couples who have such a baby, prizes are given. First off this is crazy weird. Second, they are actually encouraging people to have premature babies. The gestation period for a human embryo is not nine months as is popular belief but in fact 40 weeks, which is about 9 1/4 months. In essence, Russia is trying to rebalanced a low birth rate and high death rate by encouraging birthing of underdeveloped infants into already underfunded hospitals, resulting in an equal increase in both rates. Oh wise 'Ancestor given wisdom of the people' indeed.

London Day 2

2007-08-11T13:25:00.001-06:00

Ok so, London day two was just as great. I got up early as is no surprise and set off on another long day of walking. I started by traversing the great Hyde Park to get to Buckingham Palace. The palace its self is nothing great but the aura of it is. There are these tall golden gates around the grounds and a huge fountain memorial our front for Queen Elizabeth I. Here is the funniest part of the fountain. I continued on down the street to Westminster Abbey: the most incredible part of the trip. You are not allowed to take photos but you can go online and see it in all its glory. £14 got me in and a self guided tour of a building that dates to 40 years shy of a millennium old. There are memorials on top of other memorials and old English written everywhere. There are buried Kings and Queens from centuries ago and a hugely tall west nave in gothic style (flying buttresses and all). One of my favourite stops was Poets Corner were Thomas Hardy is buried: I stood atop his grave. A note: every one must see this Abbey but go early as the line-ups form fast and it is difficult to manoeuvre the tight rooms.
Across the street from the Abbey is the Parliament. It’s ridiculous. It is another gothic building with a massive tower to the south and Big Ben to the North. Across the bridge I went to the British Airways London Eye, the world's tallest observation wheel. I paid another £14 for a short trip around the wheel. While standing in the queue two British women were compiling about raping the country did on tourists with the high prices. I wanted to interject and agree but you know me: no unnecessary human conversations. Here is the view at the top of the Eye.
After the Eye I wandered down the River Thames and all the way to Tate Modern; it was free but very famous. The first floor was a huge display about the growing human population. Huge aerial city photos would have killed Brock and the urban development sections would have killed Dave. With my limited time I went right to the modern section and so a Monet and a few Pollock’s. As I walked along the river I meet the only bum I’d seen my entire time in London, I was quite amazed by the lack of vagrants.
At about 17:00 I was feeling very exhausted and needed to move on, sadly I missed a new display called Dali and Film, a look at his works and reinterpretation of them in film. It cost extra to see it and I was very tired so I missed it, which killed Stringer. Across the Millennium Bridge I went and sneaked a peak of the London Bridge in the distance. On the other side of the bridge was St Paul’s Cathedral. I didn’t go in or have lots of pictures of it because my camera died but for at least two weeks after seeing it I was singing “Feed the Birds” from Mary Poppins. I caught the tube back to the hotel and had a great sleep.
I woke up at 6 to check out and hop onto the tube to catch the Gatwick Express to get my flight out. I allowed myself plenty of time as during my stay the terrorist attacks on Glasgow airport happened and I know security would be brutal. It turns out I was wrong and got though in a very short time. I sat in the airport for 4 hours until my flight. I flew on a total of six different flights during my trip and this was the only one the boarded on time. We sat there, however, for an hour past our take-off time before we took to the air. To add to the insult we needed to stop in Iceland and refuel for make it through the high trade winds. Iceland is very barren without any trees, much in contrast to the thought that Iceland is lush.
By the time I landing in Calgary I had been sitting in my seat for 12 straight hours. I will be in no hurry to travel again, although I loved every second of London.

London Day 1

2007-08-09T17:21:00.000-06:00

OK so, I haven’t talked about London yet and it’s been over a month since my return. London was by far my favourite part of my little trip. That’s not to say Greece can’t be nice it’s just that I didn’t experience the outrageously expensive plane ticket and accommodations (~$1900 for flight and $1000 for second-rate hotel) worth. So I flew into Heathrow from Athens on Saturday afternoon and got through customs a lot easier that at Gatwick. I was thanking the Lord that I had purchased a suitcase with wheels as there is an awful lot of walking involved at Heathrow, not unexpected for one of the biggest and busiest airports in the world. I found my way to the Heathrow Express a high-speed train to the Paddington Station in London. It cost me £14 with is just over $30 Canadian for a 15min train, but then it went to Paddington two blocks from my hotel so it was quite convenient.
My first glance of Paddington Station and I knew that London was the love of my life. Tall and glamorously old, I dared a stop to soak it all in. Out into the street my rolling suitcase lost a few years of life rolling over the well-worn cobble stone streets. I was, of course, raining, because when is it not raining in London. I had remembered my umbrella as I was leaving my condo and spent 10min trying to find it and finally resolved that it was missing and I would have to risk that it wouldn’t be raining in London, but as I said, when doesn’t it rain in London.
So I tried to enjoy the heavy downpour as I pulled out my discreet and poorly detailed map to orientate myself and find my hotel. I found it on this perfect street with old row housing and tall lush trees. My hotel was named the Stylotel and was right in the middle of the row. So it cost me £55 a night ($330 for the three nights) and let me tell you that doesn’t get you much. This is a video of my room (sound is bad, there’s nothing to hear don’t worry). The room was about 8’ by 6’ but cozy as a button. There was a single bed, a TV, desk and mirror and a small toilet (that’s the proper term for a bathroom there). The door to the toilet wouldn’t fully open as it hit the bed half way. I couldn’t fit the width of my suitcase between the bed and toilet so I created quite a challenge to stow it below. The best part of the room was the perfectly period window; there was no screen, a single pane and looked out to a brick wall (and someone else’s room). The fresh, moist air bled in through the fully open panel. I spent the rest of the evening reading curled up in the sill and creating plans to move into the little nook.
After a good night’s sleep and a little breakfast I set out to see Hyde Park and Portobello Market. I set out and walked the blue line in picture one here. Hyde was so beautiful, fresh in the morning dew. I lazed through the park a bit and then back out to get to the Market. I thought I might have been a good idea to see an English church while there and I have found one on my way. It wasn’t weird traditional with confusing liturgy but had great inviting music. However there were only black people going inside. Only. As cool as it would have been… well this is Kyle, what more do I need to say. So I continued on down the thick streets of Notting Hill (yes the real place) to the market. Now, being one of the London hotspots and as it was a Sunday I assumed that the Market would be open early to accommodate the many crowding tourists. Wrong. They love their Sunday sleeps apparently and no one opened for an hour. So I continued to walk along a street not unlike Whyte Ave in feeling but worlds cooler. I eventually found my way to a Starbucks, purchased a Macchiato and read for the next hour and a half. So amazing (view).
Once the Market opened I went and walked it’s streets for a good 2 hours looking in cool shops and antique stores. I picked myself up an umbrella, which came in very handy later that day. I finished there and made my way back to Hyde and Kensington Boulevard. That’s where all the embassies are: a very quaint street with tall dripping trees. It had the Kensington Palace on it (we may know it as Diana’s home after the divorce). At the end of the beautiful street was a large barricade. Signs instructed cyclists to dismount and prohibited photographs. As I approached I observed heavily armed Bobbies guarding a residence, it was the Israeli embassy. No surprises there.
I trolled back though the park stopping to take the Queens Garden walk, shelter myself in a torrential downpour, walked though the Serpentine Gallery, then read in the hot sun. The weather is terrifyingly volatile. At the end of the day (like 18:00) I had to spend the rest of the night in the room as I was too exhausted to do anything more that day. But what a great day.

Who are these people!?!

2007-07-25T19:59:00.000-06:00

Ok so, I'm riding on the LRT home from work today and I snapped a photo of this guy at the end of a very disgusting public act. He was putting salve on his feet, yes salve on his feet. I might not have noticed it but the balm was very strong smelling and made me seek out its origin. I then saw him applying an ointment to his feet while his feet were on the seat. I felt sick thinking that just this morning he could have been doing that on the seat i was sitting on. Sick!!! I'm throwing my pants out. If this isn't a plug for private transportation i don't know what is.

Part 3 of my trip

2007-07-23T18:04:00.000-06:00

I did mention that we went to a gala while in Greece and that there were these hot girls providing the entertainment. Well i took a video of a song they were playing. Can anyone guess the song?

It is finished!!!

2007-07-23T17:47:00.000-06:00

Ok so, if you have been following my life for the last 2 years you will know that I've been anticipating the 7th and last Harry Potter novel. Well it came out this weekend and this is my story. I and a few friends got together to go to the Chapters HP party. I dressed up as Draco Malfoy, I slicked my hair and wore a school boy outfit, I looked great. After being sorted into Slytherin, Dracos house, we proceeded to the wand making area. As I was waiting some girls (about a 6/10 for those who are asking) called out "Draco" and I actually turned. They asked for a picture which I gladly gave them. I then make the best wand ever (you may visit and see it) and then sat in line for 45 min to get my copy. I stood behind a solid 8/10 to whom I did chat with. After getting the book we went to my friends house and read. I read from 1am to 5pm. Then took a 2hour break for shower and sleep and continued to read from 7pm to 11pm. Slept then finished from 8:30am to 12pm. My eyes still hurt.
Now for the book. It was amazing. I didn't feel at all sad when it ended, but resolve. I will however be talking about it for the next decade.

Part 2

2007-07-14T09:13:00.000-06:00

OK so. The firm was good. Anys Greece was nice. It was soooooooo hot, and totally cloudless. The island of Kos looked about like Kamloops, very dry and hilly. The Mediterranean is totally all its cracked up to be, so warm and blue. Those pics I have of the little bay with the Battle ship is unaltered. The conference was way too hot to truly enjoy, besides being a little too clinical and not enough research. I found the food to be a little disappointing. It was all too dry. Not a whole lot different from Greek food here. Although the yogurt was incredible. They would serve it plain with real fruit you can mix in for breakfast or with honey for dessert. In the middle of the week we had this 'Formal' gala to attend but b/c of the heat they downgraded to casual, its a good thing it was soooo hot. Those are the pics in the evening with all the tables and that hot chick band (more about them later).
At the end of the conference I was kinda glad to be leaving. There really wasn't history on the island so I didn't get to experience that. And the people were generally rude and loud: to very undesirable characters to me. I will give them that they know how to party.
Oh and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was amazing, see it in 3D...

First in the Series

2007-07-09T22:21:00.000-06:00

Ok so, I'm ready to start blogging about my wonderful little trip. It's taken me a while as I've not only been really tired but also I'm deeply engrossed in The Firm and haven't wanted to put it down. I write now with only a few chapters left so feel very privileged that I'm taking the time to blog. There is a lot to tell so I will do it in installments.
So Greece and London were AMAZING. It took over 24 hours of travel time to arrive at my destination in Kos. I had to take three separate flights from Calgary to London to Athens to Kos. Each time going through customs then picking up my luggage and checking back in again. I will never do that again. In hindsight everything was fine but it was still terribly stressful.
After a very tight-fitting flight for nine hours I arrived in Gatwick Airport in the UK and ended up standing in line for about 1.5 hours waiting to get through customs. And I had it good. There were 11 rows of people (about 10-15 people long) with three traversing rows the length of the 11 at the end. I entered the line that was standing at the end of the second traversing line. But behind me the queue (what a great English term eh?) was almost double of what could fit in the rows. I had arrived late into England and had to find a bus to Heathrow Airport and catch a flight from there so this long queue was making me nervous.
I did get thought with plenty of time, managed to find the bus to make the hour long ride to the other airport, and catch my flight to Athens. More lateness and another long line there.
I arrived in Kos and got on the correct charter to my hotel. I was checked in to the Sun Palace Hotel ( 36°52'56.24"N 27°20'15.71"E if you have Google Earth) and laying in my bed at 12:30am local time.
Math time. I arrived at the Calgary airport to start my journey at 12pm local time on June 23. Greece is 9 hour ahead. Thus the arrival to my pillow was at 3:30pm June 24 Calgary time. Yuck!!!
I slept a remarkable 1.5 hours and woke up wide awake ready to face the day at 2am in a foreign country in a hotel room with a remote-less Greek TV (with one English channel) and no air conditioning.
To be continued...
My pictures of the whole trip are up here. I will chat through most later and fill you in on the high lights and low lights. But first, back to The Firm.

Slow Return

2007-07-04T19:31:00.000-06:00

Ok so, I will be posting about my trip to London and Greece but until I find the erg, enjoy this clip. I love the backup dancers...

Out of Touch?

2007-06-19T12:56:00.000-06:00

Ok so, question. Am I too old? Am I so terribly out of date? I received this postcard in the mail the other day advertising a sale at Gravity Pope. It's a great store with very nice clothes and HOT shoes. But I just don't get some of the models on this card? (I've make humorous speech bubbles over the ones I'm thinking of) Am I just not getting something? If I looked like that dude in the top corner I'd never be allowed home... Any thoughts?

New Things

2007-06-17T16:21:00.001-06:00

Sexy pose and sexy new hair...watch it!!!>
And I got an old dresser and refinished it. Doesn't it look great? Yes

Let the Countdown Begin

2007-06-15T08:56:00.000-06:00

Ok so, If you've EVER read my blog you know that Harry Potter is one of my favorite things. Well both the latest movie and last novel are coming out next month and I am oh so totally excited. I have added a countdown clock here to remind all of these two very important dates. Oh and i'm also counting down the days until I fly to Greece, 8...

Best Evening Out!!!

2007-06-06T12:58:00.000-06:00

Ok so, I went to the symphony last night and it was amazing. The ESO played all Disney music. It was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo freaking awesome. That performance was actually the first time that more then 20min of Disney music was assembled and played (professionally) ever. I know, in Edmonton. The people at Disney put together and arranged a show of most of the best Disney songs EVER, and this was the first playing of it. I feel soooo honoured to be apart of it. However, sadly lacking was music from the movie staring my future wife, Pocahontas!!!

2007-06-04T09:57:00.000-06:00

OK so, i'm terribly crispy. But instead of telling you how wonderful my red skin will look in a few days, here is the best and most relevant Simpson's clip ever...

Exhausted Niblets

2007-05-29T22:02:00.000-06:00

Ok so, I tired from YC so I'll make this quick.
Miss USA slipped and fell last night in the Miss Universe competition. Funny She lost... PS Miss Japan/Universe = super hot.

One of the best sounds in the world is a loud piece-of-something being caught up in the vacuum.

'On the Lot' might be my new favorite show for the summer, however, they will have to step up the productions, its shaky and uncordinated. The host, who is part of the problem, is also really hot. She looks and sounds like Scarlett Johansson.

Canada's Next Top Model starts tomorrow and So You Think You Can Dance started last week.

Quick Update

2007-05-10T19:37:00.000-06:00

Ok so, I have a few things, first, exciting news, then an annoyance, then a buyers warning.
1) Harry Potter (which you should all know by now is a huge obsession of mine) and the Order of the Phoenix movie will have ~20min of IMAX 3D for the final fight scene. That is the coolest thing ever! I will totally be standing in line for hours to get great seats for that opener…
2) Zwinky. ARG!!!! If you’ve been on the interweb AT ALL in the last several months you will have been inundated with pop-ups and advertisements for Zwinky. Some half nude cartoon with a frighteningly disproportionately large head. All this is is a tool bar feature. And it’s ‘free’. How do these things make any money? More importantly, who signs up? Promise, if anyone actually signs up and makes themselves into one of these terrifying, amorphic creatures, I will post it on this blog.

3) Old Dutch Steak and Onion Chips. The first taste is very good: salting, steakey, almost steak-spicesque. Keep eating, your find. But if you stop, it tastes like burnt onions. I would aliken it to smoking (or what I assume of it). It’s great while in the act, but a minute after the last puff it feels like a rat feasting on burnt carcasses took a shat in your mouth. And don’t think about kissing anybody afterwards either. Don’t buy/eat these.

One of My Favorites

2007-05-09T10:46:00.000-06:00

Ok so, I love Feist, and her new album. And now, I love her videos. Here's one of the more 'less weird' ones. Youtube has a whole bunch, enjoy this and many more there.

Homemade Heaven

2007-05-01T18:53:00.000-06:00

OK so, I’ve found the greatest thing since sided bread, the Kit Kat Blizzard. I’m not sure I can think of anything better then the combination of Kit Kats and ice cream. Earlier attempts to purchase and eat the said treat failed miserably (specifics include an LRT ride to the mall accompanied by space-complaining obese women and a psycho Korean woman). One of the evenings that nature thwarted my attempts ended in me walking to Shoppers Drug Mart to purchase a litre of Bryers ice cream and two king sized Kit Kat bars for $9. I gave my homemade blizzard a delicious 9 of 10. This only drove my interest in the real thing higher. So, I picked up the true treat tonight and boy…what a disappointment. For $4, I got this sad sized cup filled with ice cream and last years floor sweepings of the Kit Kat factory. To top it all off, it was served in ‘contest code’ cup with chanced of winning great prizes from a contest that ended a month ago… I rate it a 4 of 10. Here’s my advice, by the ice cream and kit kat and make your own amazing treat.

Enjoying Edmonton's Entertainment: Waters Edge

2007-04-21T22:42:00.000-06:00

OK so, Sarah and I just returned from a…dance…performance, and boy was it a doosy. The ‘preview’ was a chubby girl with a short top dancing, or should I say jiggling, around the stage. It took true concentration from Sarah and me not to burst out laughing. With that over, the stage was set for the real show; it was about the human need/love/economics of water. From the up-stage floor to the downstage roof hung a large ragged sheet constructed from discarded lacy tablecloths. On the left was a draped white sheet on which video clips of water were shown. The two dancers appear, sleeves held together. For the first 10-15 minutes, they slowly pulsed to and from a bowl of water in which they kept dipping various body parts into. (Under the bowl was a camera capturing the imagery of the dancers dipping their hair, hands, feet and faces into the water and projecting it up into the aforementioned screen.) The music consisted of water and factory sounds accompanied by a solo piano and clarinet on 2 sec reverb. (yes it was all as weird as it sounds) As this section ended, the two girls moved under the hanging quilt as it lowered on them. Over the next 15-20 minutes, one of the girls (40-50 years old) slowly emerged from a small elastic orifice topless…TOPLESS. Boobs and all. By-the-by, 50-year-old boob is not hot, sagging and wrinkled. Meanwhile, the other dancer crawls out from the quilt wearing a pixie skirt made from varying sizes of bubble wrap. As Topless’ arms/boobs drifted around her space like a jellyfish in gently rolling surf, the other writhed on the floor like a piece of trash discarded in a raging river. The third section marked the return of the top. The two then danced as separate and individual ions/molecules of water as the clarinetist bored us with water facts. A total of one hour later, we were released and laughed our faces off. I truly wish I could have shared this experience with everyone, so I hope this lengthy description was sufficient.

Soooo Totally Funny!!!

2007-04-17T19:41:00.000-06:00

Ok so, i know a lot of you come to this blog b/c sometimes there are hilariously awesome things/videos/pics. And I've done it once again. This wonderful Will Ferrel piece is bound to even get Oren laughing. There is a 'small' language warning, i rate it 14+, but i know you will all enjoy this tasty treat. Props to my friend Liz for sending me the link. Oh, the website is funny or die and is a great source of boredom fixer.

All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up

2007-04-11T08:38:00.000-06:00

OK so, I know that you all have been waiting for an explanation of my Facebook statue: “is soooooo pumped for my photo shoot”. So, the University is trying to advertise/promote how research can turn into business and contribute economically to Alberta, with a special push to promote how native Albertans (especially rural Albertans) contribute to this. Well my supervisor is a highly prolific scientist that has created a business staring nanotechnology (that’s all I can say now). And who is more native rural Albertan then ME!!! So the university if totally excited about this and had a photo shoot with Linda and I for this promotion. The ads will run in bus shelters and buses/LRTs all over Edmonton (and more likely all of Alberta). That’s Crazy!!! A part of me is all like “woo whoo” the other part says “you will be plastered all over Edmonton as a nerd”. Oh well. So there is the story. If you find a picture of me, take a picture of you and the poster and send it to me and I will post it on this blog. Tres cool!!!

Jazz flute ≠ Sexy

2007-04-05T14:10:00.000-06:00

Ok so, I'm sure we are all aware of how much I love to mock. But there are some things that need no help in this department. (see picture) While doing some additional jazz research I came across this man Herbie Mann, jazz flute extraordinaire. This is the cover of an album called Push Push!!! WHAT THE HELL. This can't be real, no one is like this. He is a real life Ron Burgundy. I'm not sure what is more disturbing, the shoulder-slung flute, the shirtless or the sweaty...(sweating from what, Push Push?!?) I think another blogger said it best: "Chippendales models don't try to make jazzy flute albums. The reverse should be true as well, especially if your body looks like Will Ferrell's". SICK!!!!!

My Favorite Artist

2007-04-03T22:43:00.000-06:00

Ok so, I know it’s been awhile since my last entry, albeit a great one, but I’ve found very little energy to write. I’ve been concentrating my efforts into other things. The cool/amazing things happening at work are not really worth putting here, as no one understands/cares about such foreign/complicated things as what I do. (Although I am glad to be back into my ‘/’ phase.) Seen here is one of the extra-work projects I’ve been working on. I shant express the true size of this painting ‘cuz I want to place an open invitation for anyone to come over to my condo for a visit and a viewing. The painting is based on a famous picture of my favourite jazz artists/vocalist/trumpeter, Chet Baker. Pure delight. You may read the article about him, but in short, his vocal and trumpet talents were near unmatched for decades. He was mainly responsible for the evolution of the West Coast Cool Jazz sub-genre in which I’m sure eventually evolved to the Emo craze also originating on the west coast. His songs reflected the sadder side of love/existence common among West Coasters as well. Drugs dimension the later half of his career and a mysterious ‘fall/suicide’ finally ended it. However, I’m not sure which is sadder, his drug-filled life/death or that age/drugs took his rebel good-looks and replaced them with one of the most hideous faces captured on film.

Best Blog Ever!!!

2007-03-15T23:09:00.000-06:00

Ok so, my last entry was a little nerdy and lame, but this one promises to be great. It’s about a site called My Heritage. I don’t know what the site does but there is this really cool face comparison program that will match your picture to a number of celebrities and give you the percent look-a-like. The first few ‘not-as-good’ pics of me gave me look-a-likes like Mikhail Baryshnikov, Petra Nemcova, Bobby Charlton, Takuya Kimyra, and Gillian Anderson. In no mood for suicide I tried a different one and check it… Tom ‘F-ing’ Cruise(80%), Antonio ‘Sweet a$$’ Sabato Jr(78%). This evening of March 15, 2007 will dance in my head as the best night ever…
Oh and total props to my Gap friend Tim who pointed me in the direction of this site.

http://www.myheritage.com

The Wait is Over

2007-03-14T12:54:00.001-06:00

Ok so, today is the first day that Canadians will be able to switch cell phone plan providers and not lose their cell phone number. I have been waiting for this day for the 2-3 years that they have been talking about it. This may finally mean an end to the ridiculously priced cell phone plans. I, however, still have 2 year left on my plan so, sucks to be me.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

2007-03-07T21:02:00.000-07:00

OK, so, the next cycle of America's Next Top Model started last week with the second episode tonight and it looks like it's going to be a gooder. You can catch up with all the hot photos at the link below. This is also an open invitation to anyone who would like to come over to join in the watching. Now if ANTM isn't your thing (and I'm not sure why not) then you may like this new show. Some of the complaints about ANTM is that the girls aren't pretty, while being totally perfect for high fashion modeling. (for the best example of weird/high fashion looking but huge-time famous check out Gemma Ward) For those that want hotter chicks checkout 'Search for the Next Doll' brought to you by the It girls of scank, The Pussy Cat Dolls. This show will be about the hottest, sexiest chick (I mean look at that one chicks leg...). That starts this Thursday at 8. (And for those that are all like 'I have too many TV shows to watch already', Heros is off until the end of April so suck it up.) (Do I use too many parentheses?)

Osc 07

2007-02-25T22:59:00.000-07:00

Well this evening’s award ceremony was …another awards ceremony. It was generally bland with a few great moments. Highlights included Scorsese’s first Oscar, Jennifer Hudson’s surprising (and most likely a mistake) win. But there were three major awesome things. 1) There was this sound effects choir that sounded like, but better than, this. 2) These weird dancers that made cool shapes/structures of movie symbols (happy feet, snakes on a plane)with their silhouetted bodies. They also did this commercial if you don't know what I mean. 3) Reese. Holy crap look at her. If I could just make-out with a chick a fraction her hotness I could die happy. Although I'm not sure that bracelet purse is good for anything besides holding a roll of Certs.

Snow Patrol + Remix = A few of my favorite things.

2007-02-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

Music Video Codes
So I know that I'm like the only person who thinks this is cool but if you are feeling a little mellow, have a watch, its cool.

The password is...Oxynegate

2007-02-09T20:37:00.000-07:00

We all know (wait... i didn't start with OK, so) that i love anything D-lightful. Well this video is such. Ladies+80's=amazing.

Gone the way of the birds(storks)

2007-02-07T21:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, So I’ve blogged about this before. But I have to blog about it again. Runway shows from around the world have taken a stand against skinny models. A body mass index of 18.5 and a minimum age of sixteen is now required. (This may be good for confidence-less girls but I don’t want to see wide hips on a runway). This latest Prada trend, however, takes the cake. While this house has always preferred thin men, these children sicken me. I think I would be rejected for being too fat for this show. The whole show consists of men this skinny, not to mention the sick clothes. But I guess it’s no wonder considering the designer looks like this. Yikes.

PC VS Mac(users)

2007-02-06T20:04:00.000-07:00

OK, so time for a good rant. A friend at work just bought a new computer, and it was a Mac. Now I have nothing against Mac/Apple, they do make imaginative products; my beef is with the Mac user. This pretentious breed is almost as irritating and one-sidedly ignorant as those stupid, pretentious commercials. The attitude of ALL Mac users is one of heightened ego and superiority, that they somehow possess a bolt of lightning from Zeus himself. And I am here to say ‘Shut up’!!! The only people who think that Macs are superior ARE MAC USERS. Who are you trying to convince. I have not heard one realistic reason why Macs are better. “Macs are faster”-no, they’re not. There is like 1 out of 10 tests that show that, thus Macs are slower. “Macs have the whole iLife thing.”-What?!? You paid $500-$1000 more for iLife? iVideo-Windows movie maker(free) or Adobe Premiere Elements($130). iPhoto- Picasa(free). iBook-My Publisher(free), iMusic-Uh any music program on the market is better than that. I’ve even heard things like ‘everything is just plug and play’. Uh Hello the PCs invented that term you idiots. And what’s with the pre-packaged models being offered. Macs cookie-cutter options are the standard blonds of the computer world, inappropriately placed in a fun category. This whole Mac obsession sounds like this to me: “My blonde has boobs, and all my friends have the same blonde, and they have boobs too” “Really, Wow what unique individuals. Boobs.”
Now I’m not suggesting we get rid of Macs, the competition will only do great things for us, I just want to get rid of the Mac user.
So to Mac users reading this, get over yourselves, you and your personal computer are not so special. And all PC users, buck up and be vigilant, and kill one Mac user each.

Oh Harry Day, oh harry day, Oh Harry Day

2007-02-01T09:08:00.000-07:00

OK, so I’ve been really busy and a little down on this blasted PhD thing that I haven’t felt the desire blog in some time. There are many things I’ve wanted to blog about, I just haven’t wanted to expend the effort. But something happened last night that has jolted me to blog again, the official release date of HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, the seventh and final installment of the Harry Potter series. The date to end all important dates is July 21, 07. I’m sooooooo thrilled. What a great month, the 5th movie is getting released on July 11th and the book on the 21st. I don’t think I can handle it…

What Happened to Parenting?

2007-01-15T17:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, so, I’m sure that most of us have seen this frog on TV. His brand is to teach children pooping skills. The TV ad actually shows the frog wiping his butt. Does anyone else think this is crap (pardon the pun)? Did the millennia of children before Kandoo have problems wiping. And check out these instructions I found on-line (if you need to read this, you have BIG problems). I also figure that this has to be a male frog. Female frogs don’t find bathroom humour funny. This frog's girlfriend is looking at this and shaking her head while a bunch of drunken frog guys are laughing and saying "Hey, look, Ted took a dump in public!" While I’m at it, get those stupid pooping bears off the air too. This whole potty campaign only supports my push for censorship.

Holy Crap Holy Crap Holy Crap

2007-01-11T08:47:00.000-07:00

I am absolutely shaking with excitement. Check out this new product, iPhone. Not even available in Canada and I can't wait to have one. I might even buy an Apple to join this revolution. The whole thing is totally amazing. The whole front is a touch sensitive screen with amazing software. View photos, listen to music, text, phone, watch TV, there is nothing you can't do with this phone-thing...NOTHING. This is the future my friends, the future. As a friend at work was musing that when you talk on the phone you would accidentally dial or hang up on the caller. No, no, no. The phone's internal sensors detect the motion in putting the phone to ear and it turns the screen off to save battery and so you can't disconnect. Holy crap this is awesome...

Mugtastic

2007-01-09T21:21:00.000-07:00

Although Sarah puts some of the guilt about my dead Guava on herself, all is made up by this mug she gave me. Everyone may now enjoy this truthful mug...

Death To A Friend

2007-01-07T21:44:00.000-07:00

So I’ve been a little blabsent, but I promise I have several blog entries to come. First off, a death. Anyone who has been in my house in the last 6 years will have come to know my guava tree. I bought it the month I moved to Edmonton at about 6 inches. It grew to about 6.5 feet. Alas, I wasn’t able to get anyone to water it over Christmas as it didn’t do very well. It died, or at least all the leaves did. I wrote a haiku to commemorate the death of my beloved plant:

Guava tree of yore
Too thirsty over Christmas
Guava tree no more

My Turn...

2006-12-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

5 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me" (and never cared to ask)

1) I can sing the whole ‘Anne of Green Gables’ musical, and in high school, I wished they would rewrite the script so I could play ‘Andrew of Green Gables’.

2) I hid the food I didn’t eat at school (apples, sandwiches, pudding snacks) under my bed for a few years until my mother discovered the rotting smell. I apparently wasn’t as smart as my sister who would dump hers at school, or throw it in the ditch by the road, down one of the may outhouses around the farm, or feed it to the dog…

3) I hate being naked. Even as I child I wouldn’t even take off my shirt so my dad could cut my hair.

4a) My fantasy future profession is to be a deep-sea marinobiogeneticist (don’t ask what it is, it will blow your mind). I will open a huge under-water hotel to the stars, where all of the world’s elite will come to say in rooms that look out onto under-water farms and zoos. A huge grand ballroom with a glass roof and floor will be the highlight. The over-priced hotel will fund my research as a deep-sea marinobiogeneticist.
4b) I would also love to conduct crazy genetic experiments with the mixing of genomes, like a dog and a cat, or a cheetah and eagle, muhaaaahaaaa. Or like experiments pictured at the side, which was the first to describe the development of arms. Nerd warning, skip if uninterested: Have you ever wondered why arms
and legs always develop in the same direction? It is due to a complex series of genetic patterns that result in polar positioning. The real picture seen here (a very hard picture to find, thus its poor quality) is the result of a brilliant experiment where the developing limb bud of a newt was cut off and transplanted onto a limb bud on the other side of the body. The genetic expression patterns are thus altered and three arms develop. SUPER COOL

5) I was almost named Ferd, after my mother’s grandfather. Thank heavens my mother’s sensibility kicked in before I was born… It rhymes with turd…

I tag Kenny...

The Solution to the Worlds Growing Ignorance

2006-12-13T22:18:00.000-07:00

OK, last Orlando post. This is a billboard we saw on the way into Orlando. Vasectomy.com, and the quote under it says, "It's easier than you think." Are you kidding me. This is two-tear health care to the max. But I think this sign is good, it's encouraging stupid Americans to not have more stupid children. Next years sign should be, "Vasectomy-Is it your turn yet?" Then the year after, "Stupidity and ugliness double each generation. Stop it before it begins-Vasectomy.

My Return to the Great North

2006-12-13T11:43:00.000-07:00

OK, so I’m back from Florida, and I have to say, I was a little disappointed to see snow. I had almost thought that it might be nice and warm here. It turns out that Orlando did get warmer, although not amazing. The humidity was something else. I felt greasy most of the time simply because there was moisture in the air. Within hours of returning to Edmonton, my skin was itchy with dryness… The conference was all right, if anybody cares, good talks on molecular pharmicogenomics. The Orange County Convention Center is HUGE. It took forever to walk around, it’s about 0.82 km in length, that’s huge.

There was one standout highlight. Three words: Premium, Outlet, Mall. TOOOOOT TOOOOOOT. You know the scene from Austen Powers when the Fembots’ heads were shorting out and finally exploded, that’s how I felt there. Every name you could thing of (Burberry, Diesel, Banana Republic, Tommy) all at ridiculous prices, sales on top of discounts. I couldn’t help myself. It was delightful.

Other enjoyable things included terrible accents and TV commercials promoting sour cream…

It's a Creepy World In Florada

2006-12-08T21:39:00.000-07:00

OK So, Day one from Orlando. Everything is grotesquely art deco and it is fricking freezing. Oh so cold. It’s something like 9 degrees but feels like -90. We got lost walking to the convention center and had to back track, I’m sure we walked something like 3 miles in frigid, moist wind. Sick. After registering at the conference of 30some thousand, we returned to the hotel, and a few of us then when to Walt Disney World. This was super fun, did I mention the super colditity? This was my first time to anything Disney and guess what I did, FORGOT MY (INSERT VULGAR COMMNET HERE) CAMERA. Sights, indescribable, continue to exist only in my mind, but I will try my best to express them.

First off, all the rides are for children. Space Mountain was the most fun but the highlight was Small World. It is soooooooooooo creepy. Reminiscent of the great scene in Willy Wonka. Recently the ride/boat tour was renovated and fully restored
to it’s original creepiness. Poorly moving animatronic children singing the same song over/over/over again in various themes and languages terrify me. Drummers drumming their armpits and not the drums, bellowing Swedish choruses, goats with spinning ears, I couldn’t stop laughing. The best part however was this HIGH-LERIOUS blue hippo who could only blink with one eye, it looked drunk halve the time.

After a few hours of freaking cold temperatures, we have to leave and wait for a bus to return us to the hotel. The bus that took us there did not, however, return to pick us up. We stood shaking and shivering in the cold for 45 minutes until we found another bus to take us home. There was no room on the bus and we ended up sitting on the floor for 30 minutes.

Anys, that enough for now, more to come later…

Sunny and ‘F’ing 9 Degrees

2006-12-07T08:40:00.000-07:00

OK so I leave for Orlando today…woo hoo. In anticipation, I look up the weather forecast. What do I see? Sunny and Fing 9 degrees for a high tomorrow, that is only a six-degree difference between Edmonton and Fing Orlando. Travelling 4,678km by car or 3814km by plane directly south and I gain 6 Fing degrees. This happened last year in Atlanta, but worse. It was warmer in Edmonton then Atlanta, at least the trend it upward…
PS See ya lata, suckas…

A Case for Luxury

2006-12-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

OK, so, I try my hardest not to be a brand snob, trying to be open to non-brands, even when it comes to foods. With a limited budget, I feel obligated to try the ‘in-house’ or no-name brands. But my recent experience is leaving me less then impressed. No not impressed, it didn’t even reach expectancy (which was low). These pics don’t do justice but there was no colour in this food. Even the packaging looked lifeless. So here is my advice, don’t purchase, serve or eat Western Family Side kicks…

Oh So Alone...and For What...

2006-11-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

So, as I write this blog I am reminded that I am truly alone in my cares but I don’t care. Christmas Remixed, a great new album, is a great new album. It’s a tremendously incredible fusion of classic Christmas hits and modern grooves. I love it, love it, love it. And with the exception of Ms Probert, I know that I will be alone in this love, only proving, once again, that I and I alone possess true wisdom and style…

Perhaps another love more in tune with the greater coolly impoverished is the new comedy 30 Rock. Delightful. I laughed soooooo hard, its worth a checkout- I’d say Christmas Remixed is a checkout but what would you all do with it…nothing…

I think this is pretty accurate...

2006-11-23T19:44:00.000-07:00

The sorting hat says that I belong in Ravenclaw!

Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose intelligence is surest."

Ravenclaw students tend to be clever, witty, intelligent, and knowledgeable.
Notable residents include Cho Chang and Padma Patil (objects of Harry and Ron's affections), and Luna Lovegood (daughter of The Quibbler magazine's editor).

Take the most scientific Harry Potter
Quiz ever created.

Get Sorted Now!

Centennial Delight!!!!!!!!

2006-11-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

Hooray, this is my 100th blog entry. How very exciting. 100 entries of mindless drivel. Keeping you all entertained 100 timed over. You may all congratulate me with monetary gifts, nothing under $20, please.

Ho Hum

2006-11-23T09:31:00.000-07:00

Alas, the river has finally stoped flowing through Edmonton. Nothing but solid ice until next spring... I feel like Eeyore...

It's Here, It's Here, It's Here.

2006-11-20T13:17:00.000-07:00

It's here, it's here, it's here. The new Harry Potter movie trailer. I'm totally excited, if you can't guess. I saw that last movie (#4) three times in the theaters and i'm sure i'll do it again. So for all you would like to share in my excitment the trailer is here.

The Coolest Thing Ever!!!

2006-11-17T13:17:00.000-07:00

You all must check out these way cool shirts. Understand that they are still prototypes but think of the potential. A friend already pointed out that women may have a problem wearing these things, but I figure a nice sideways figure 8 would look great. Check it.

My First (and Probably Last) Hockey-Related Post

2006-11-17T10:06:00.000-07:00

So Sarah, who I work with, has a CRAZY roommate named Melanie Stevens with a CRAZY friend named Carolyn Van Essen. They want so much to go to the Oilers vs. Ducks game, they dressed in newspaper miniskirts, wrote a song and visited every Edmonton paper (I would say newspaper but they went to the Sun) and radio station. The song is entitled Good Bye Chris. I think that some of you may really enjoy the lyrical rewrite to this song, as I know the hockey blog crowd just loves Chris Pronger.

'bout Time for a Good Movie

2006-11-14T14:01:00.000-07:00

WOW. I have to blog about all the recent and exciting movie trailers that have just come out. First off is the official Simpsons Movie trailer, no good but exciting nonetheless. Second is the full trailer for the next Spiderman movie. Now granted I hated the last two, but I’m still excited about the third coming out. There looks to be very potentious fight scene in a subway. And last but not lest the very exciting, can’t wait until next week but the trailer for For Your Consideration. I won’t tell you anything about it but hooray for the blind prostitute and Mary Pat, watch it… Oh and last but most important is the trailer for the new Harry Potter movie. This trailer gets released at the end of the week so look for that right here, I’m sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited for that. And watch for 007 in theaters this Friday.

X-mas No More

2006-11-10T17:27:00.000-07:00

OK, so this year the department of experimental oncology is holding a party for the holiday season. One person in the committee felt that ‘Christmas’ might offend people so they decided that the party would be called a Winter Party. What the hell. First off, the party isn’t even taking place in winter. What an inappropriate name. And this whole thing seemed to have struck a cord with people. Half the department is boycotting the party and many wrote in to complain about how ridiculous the whole thing was. Well its back. Christmas is back on the agenda. So funny. But apparently, we are not the only ones. Walmart as decided to be very intentional and bring Christmas back into their advertising and marketing strategy. And I for one say good.

Howie is Back!!!

2006-11-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

OK so I have found a great opportunity: Deal or No Deal is coming to Canada and are looking for Canadians to put on the show. Application forms are found online at Global TV. There is quite the application process and requires three supporters and their pictures. So, if any of you want to submit, I want to be a supporter, I will be your voice of reason.

Stupid Winter

2006-11-02T14:58:00.000-07:00

Well, it’s started. I pass over the river on my LRT trip to work every day and yesterday I noticed that the river was starting to freeze. Large chunks of ice are flowing down the river and it’s the definitive and final sign that winter has arrived. So long flowing, dirty North Sask, until next year…

I WAS ROBBED!!!!!

2006-10-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

Look at my beautiful face! Destroyed. Ha ha, just kidding. This is my Halloween costume. Isn't it awesome? It's entitled 'the losing end of a Miami Vise fist fight'. You can't see my great 80's outfit but the real drama is in the face. I made all this with my marvelous makeup skills I learned in high school. Yet for how cool this is, I still only got runner-up in the costume contest (but secretly I know it went to a guest to make them feel better).

Blogradulations

2006-10-30T08:38:00.000-07:00

Let me be the first to blograts James and Karissa on the birth of their new baby boy. Liam James...HAHAHAHAHAHA that is awesome. For those unaware, the name Liam is a nickname of James' b/c he's British and people not knowing his name just started calling him that. That's awesome James...oh and Karissa. James won't update his blog or anything so there is no sense in checking it...

Patterns and Black

2006-10-26T10:36:00.001-06:00

So, after weeks of begging, a certain blogger has finally got his request: current trends in shirt and tie combos which I will from now on refer to as shtie. (Note my use of a colon; this writing course is awesome). As mentioned in the title, patterns and black are this season’s treads for shties. I should amend ‘blacks’ with darks. Darks have always been in style and this season is no exception. Here are two looks that may or may not be business appropriate. These combos are from runway designers and we can use them as indicators for emerging trends.
Now patterns, the hottest trend. It's the season where almost any shtie combo goes. Try check with strips, strips with Swiss dot, paisley with check or strips with strips. Now there is one rule (assuming we know things need to colour match): watch your sizes. Don’t pair a wide strip shirt with and wide stripe tie. Or small check with small check. Other than that, go wild, ties don’t need to be stogy anymore, but still remember to be sensitive to where you’re wearing them. Also, check out the Neiman Marcus webpage for great style and trends, there’s always been a link here, and its great fun.

Rules Make the World Go 'round.

2006-10-24T16:31:00.000-06:00

OK, so I’m flying to Orlando for work at the beginning of December and I was directed to the TSA website concerning the American regulations on carry-on items.
D-lightful, that’s all I have to say.
We are allowed 3oz of toothpaste, gel, shampoo, whatever but there are a few things with no volumetric limit. First and foremost, there is no limit on the amount of KY Jelly. Hallelujah! I don’t have to worry about running out of personal lubricant on my flight. Other things include mastectomy products/ prosthetic breasts (fake boobs) and bras containing gels (this flight just keeps getting better). Finally, to all those who are worried, you can take your life-sustaining liquids such as bone marrow, blood products, and transplant organs with you in no limit. Ahhh, it’s finally safe to fly again.

And Again

2006-10-23T15:36:00.000-06:00

This is sooooo funny. I think this should be the new method of controling the popultion. Who wants to give this game a try?
Say this tongue twister, or else...

The Yuppy Modern Generation + the 60's Pop Generation = Great fun

2006-10-23T15:29:00.000-06:00

This is the way to work out, wearing tight british pop pants and with your balding friends. Props to Sporange who showed me this the other night
Treadmills rock!

Oh Joy

2006-10-23T10:43:00.000-06:00

October 21 10:37am. Sun, sun at last. Beautiful sun.

Autumn Blues

2006-10-20T12:01:00.000-06:00

Could this be a worse fall. My 'current weather widget' said that the moon was almost new but i had not idea. I haven't seen the sky in weeks. Weeks and weeks and weeks. It sucks; cold, wind, rain/snow. That's all.

Bla Bla Bla

2006-10-17T10:24:00.000-06:00

I'm just writing something on this blog so that i don't have to open this page up and see that sick nudish man below so i really apologize to any of you who are reading this and don't know what i am talking about but i have nothing better to say so I'm just rambling so i don't have to see pouch man OK i think this is enough.

Puking for Pouches

2006-10-13T08:54:00.000-06:00

Ok, I’m totally freaking busy at work but I had to stop to blog about this. Look at this brief I saw for sale in an ad on the side of a website. How does someone come up with an idea like this? I’ll tell you. Buddy-dude couldn’t fully ‘tap it off’ after urination and there was leakage into his underwear. It caused embarrassing yellow discolorations and so he decided to do something about it. “I think I will make gonch with a dark fabric inset for the pouch.” And this hideous and hilarious garment was made. Sick.

Vindicated

2006-10-10T22:03:00.000-06:00

So I was complaining about my parents no-show for my birthday. I was home for the long weekend and got my gift from them. Check it out. A set of cookware, de-lightful. I can finally get rid of that crap I’ve been cooking with for the last 6 years that only touches the burner at two spots. I feel better.

A New Low For Kyle

2006-10-04T23:00:00.000-06:00

OK, so I started an evening course tonight and snap!!! It’s a clarity in writing class so its super good but SNAP. I am the only Y chromosome in a room full of sub-professional middle-aged women. Talk about community collage. One woman even requested an earlier end time so she could catch her bus. It’s like Hast’s problem with being too old but I’m too…not a woman in her 30’s to 40’s. In all honesty, it will be great for me, as I’m sure you all are aware and I’m excited. Y’all can look forward to better bloggin’.

Solution for Failing TV

2006-10-04T22:57:00.000-06:00

OK, so I’ve been working at home for a few days and have been indulging my super-nerdy obsession. Space airs the original Star Trek series at noon and I watch it while eating lunch. After only a few episodes, a more relevant title becomes more apparent: Kirk’s Intergalactic Sexual Escapades. Every adventure ends with sexy results, and his orgasmic adventures consistently put his crew at risk. Today’s episode is one of the most famous for been homaged. Inspiring a hilarious Cable Guy fight scene and an odd Family Guy reference to ‘quid’ betting brains, the episode involved the kidnapping of James Kirk (and others) to battle each other. Even in the midst of terrible circumstance, his thoughts turn from rescue to seducing his oddly gorgeous and scandalously dressed ‘trainer’, a voluptuous, green-haired woman. Dressed in his high-waisted pants and chest-bearing ‘training halter’ he manages to teach her what love is. This is why the continuing sagas of Star Trek have failed; they need more blatant and scandalous sexual escapades.

Birthday Blues

2006-10-03T12:51:00.000-06:00

Ok, so it was my birthday yesterday, yes thank you, and my parents usually come up the weekend around my birthday to see me. This last weekend was to be no different. They had told me that they were going to come up on Sunday and hang, that was about a week earlier. So I was waiting all weekend to hear from them about coming up and after church on Sunday morning I called to see what was going on. My father informs me that they were headed up to Edmonton and then decided to go to Lake Louise instead. Um OK. But that’s in a different direction then Edmonton. Unbelievable. Lake Louise over only son!! I’m not hurt or anything but come on.

I Knew They Would Come Around

2006-09-26T21:30:00.000-06:00

So you may have noticed, but I have now added three new friends to my links list: Ryan B, Marcio and Oren. They all said they would never blog but have now realized the joy of uninterrupted rants and well-constructed arguments. So let’s all visit often and comment tons.

2006-09-21T20:20:00.000-06:00

It’s official, I’m a grandmother. I caught myself today on the LRT listening to jazz and reading my newly purchased book on ‘How to live off the land’ staring instructions in chicken coop building, flower pressing and basket weaving. And as young hot girls crowed the train, the very fact that they were going to see Mariah Carey just made me angry. In truth, the jazz was the brand new Diana Krall album, which is great by-the-by, and the book is a really cool retro how to book, including instructions on wild game skinning and great recipes. The hot girls were more like 16 year olds, and, well any girl going to Mariah, the Tramp, Carey is not for me. So all is good.

Mount Kyle, Ready for Eruption. In 3-2-1…

2006-09-19T22:06:00.000-06:00

I am on the verge of a huge blog rant. On the eve of the most important television event of the season, premier of America’s Next Top Model Cycle 7, their website is still almost nothing. I don’t get this. This is the very one show that can’t join the ever-growing ranks of good programs with TERRABLE internet websites. There are always internet communities but who the hell cares what Teresa, a 14 year old girl from Illinois with a screen name Candycat, has to say about who should get kicked off. I want pictures. I mean, why else to a watch this show. HOT PICTURES. Let it not fall to the side like Canada’s Next Top Model and its yahoo server site or So You Think You Can Dance with its non-existent website full of month-old footage or even the pathetic websites of Scrubs or Smallville that are incapable of proving a start time for the next season or even a list of cast members. Oh snap. So if you are reading this and are the webmaster for ANTM, please, please I beg of you, make it a good one.

While on the topic, let’s discuss the recent events in Spain. Tragic I know; three girls fired from a high fashion show for being too skinny. WHAT?!? The event has decided to require a ‘healthy’ BMI for every model in the shows. Of all the idiotic, totalitarian ideas… Ya, these models are skinny, but that’s who the designers want walking their clothes. If they could, they would find lightly-breasted hangers. But sadly that is not the case. Fat women ‘round the world are cheering (and if you are a fat woman, settle down, I’m being dramatic here). “A triumph for the rest of us” “why not, we are the ones buying”. Oh snap. Don’t get me wrong, I dislike ‘emaciated’ as much as the next guy, but how does this solve anything. All this does is limit the creativity and passion of ‘artists’ showing the truly unwearable at an art exhibition. Nobody buys this ostentation crap. Additionally, the people who are designing these clothes are not choosing thin because they only like skinny women, THEY’RE GAY. It’s a truly objective decision. Furthermore, it is in the nature of women to be eternally dissatisfied with what every other woman has or is. If the most women are fat, they all want to be skinny. If the most women are skinny, they all want to be fat. If the most women are brunettes, they all want to be blond. If the most women are fair, all want to be tanned. Am I making my point? By the by, BMI doesn’t solely exclude the skinny, it biases against the tall. The small measurements are required for all, but that makes the tall people have lower BMIs…ridiculous. Fashion is being used as a scapegoat for weight-related illnesses, a problem it won’t solve alone. It is to blame no more than higher education excludes the less intelligent. If you are not smart enough you do not get accepted, period. It like telling a medical school to allow less qualified individuals in because its unfair to the stupid…Snap

That felt good.

For serious now, weight related issues are a growing problem and fashion really isn’t helping. And the lack of positive parenting, poorer eating habits and increasing laziness is only a section of the picture. Better education and stronger understanding of the psychological causes of eating disorders would be a great start. Not fashion.

To The Moon Kyle!!

2006-09-18T09:14:00.000-06:00

Ever been in love with space? I have and am. The very thought of space exploration is ridiculously exhilarating. What would it be like to have a huge ring around the planet, or multiple moons? I have added a video here that is a movie taken by Cassini (a craft whose mission it is to go to Saturn and Titan [a Saturn moon]) and it features three moons all meeting each other in the sky. If you loved this, and if you didn’t don’t return to this blog, then there are more, 1000’s more amazing pictures you’ve never seen at www.nasa.gov/multimedia/imagegallery/index.html.

2006-09-17T23:04:00.000-06:00

OK, I’m done with the cold. I managed to finish a 1000 piece puzzle, make numerous pots of tea and even cook a roast all during this cold, cold weekend. And now I’m done. Come on sun; show me what you can do. AHHHHHHH

Spam

2006-09-10T20:59:00.000-06:00

OK, so I got this email from Club Monaco. I was so pumped to get this. I mean 20% off, rock on. Read this GREAT offer.
Yes, if I have a friend in Philadelphia, I get a discount. WHAT. What is that? A totally stupid offer, that’s what. Stupid.

Mouth Agape

2006-09-06T14:01:00.001-06:00

This is an awesome commercial. AWESOME. The first time I saw this I couldn’t close my mouth. Its just soooooooo AWESOME. There isn’t anything in this video that I don’t love. I use to have a pair of these when I was a kid. I would lace two laces, a black and a fluorescent green, thought them; I was sooooo cool. AWESOME.

Click here is this does not work

Life, the Universe and the Worst Book Ever

2006-08-24T09:14:00.000-06:00

OK, so I’m a little behind on my bloggin’, but I just returned from holidays and thus have needed some time to get everything back and running. But now that I am back, I will be back for a while. A lot of things have made me angry and thus the world needs to know about them.
First off. NEVER read Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. It’s terrible. Pointless drivel with forced humour. How it’s famous, I know not why. The first book is readable, but the others!?! I had to stop 40 pages into the third book. Have you ever wandered aimlessly, not going anywhere? The things you see aren’t all that interesting but gaudy and insignificant. That is this series. The whole of book two has no direction. Most books deal with a situation, tell you about personalities, or even teach you a lesson, but there is nothing here. The characters are shallow, relationships are non-existence, and the jokes rely on the antonyms of commonalities. Generally stupid.
OK, that feels good.

Delight of the Week

2006-08-09T13:18:00.000-06:00

OK, so now I’ve become to busy to write in my blog, work sucks. I’m back but only temporary. This week’s great video comes to us by way of a friends wedding last year. I also apologize if this offends said friend but it is undeniably funny. Let me set the stage. The prequel to this is the blog entitled dr xenophobia…. We are at the reception and it was hot, truly hot in this tiny little hall, adorable but tiny. We couldn’t open the back door because the cooking staff said the AC would stop working. Well it had stopped working, and hours before, and they didn’t know/care. Anys, the grandparents of this groom had practiced a song the night before and this was their performance. HIGHlarious, I love the harmonies. The best part, after the applause ended they sang the same song AGAIN. HAHAHAHAHA, serious GT. Thanks to Jessica for supplying the video captured with her cameras last breath.

Disgrace to the Male Race

2006-07-26T08:40:00.000-06:00

OK, so I took this photo last night, July 25, an evening after a ridiculously hot weekend. (yes this is a Peeping Tom photo) Those who know me know exactly what I said. UN-B-LEAVABLE. This fool, to help him relieve the heat in his apartment, has erected a fully lit Christmas tree. OK, mentally Christmas feels cold but to help overcome the soaring temperature by igniting a coniferous splattered with heat generating lights. (insert face with dropping mouth and eyes) This is the guy responsible for the required power rollbacks on Monday. WHAT A FOOL!!!

Artwork No. 2

2006-07-23T19:07:00.000-06:00

I love complaining about things!

2006-07-20T12:44:00.000-06:00

OK, so as the first of the month rolled around the amount of GST rolled back; from a whopping 7% to 6%. It’s a good thing I know but this seems to have given stores the opportunity to simply charge more for their goods. Example: The Big Moo in Sylvan, I ended up paying the same final price for the same cone after the tax cut as before. Example: The convenient rounded price of a video rental stayed the same by a simple price increase. These same people were complaining just a few months ago that they had to front the cost for changing signage.
I guess that a few pennies won’t hurt me, but still. I just wish I could charge for my services, but preemptively charging to help cure cancers is perhaps a little cruel.

Sappy-Side Up

2006-07-19T08:34:00.000-06:00

Dear Auntie Easter,
I called my dad the other morning and asked him what he was up to. He informed me that my Auntie Easter died last week and that he was headed to the funeral within minutes. On par with the rest of my life, I was the last to know. I never thought that Easter would ever die. Having never married and dieing at some 92 years of age, she was fit until the end. In her 80’s she was quite capable of launching her husky frame into the back seat of my dad’s truck. She was the old eccentric aunt (the kind that buys a carpet shampooer for her 400 square foot condo) who you never knew why we cared about. I realize now that her crazy acts were acts to love someone, anyone. I remember, and this is one of my favorite stories, one time she gave my sister and I gifts. I got this fake bear skin rug that folded into a pillow (a skillow if you will) and my sister got some Time Magazines covering the graphic and horrific tragedies of Tiananmen Square. The covers had images of peoples heads crushed into pavement like pumpkins. As a child of about 9 or 10, having better gifts than your sister is a big deal. In fact, I think she cried. But the point was that my dad had always been good to Auntie Easter and she wanted to be good to us. I got the picture.

PG-13 Rating (don't read if you are easily offended)

2006-07-13T15:26:00.000-06:00

In keeping with my theme of writing about things and people I hate (or adore, I love you Giselle, call me) todays blog is about Robin Williams. Try to guess how of feel about this idiot. The picture describes exactly how I feel. To interpret, Robin Williams = douchebag. How many hours have I had to endure of this wretched, vile creature? I avoid most of his movies, like Patch Adams or Jacob the Liar, but I have sadly been subjected to the worst of the worst in Mrs. Doubtfire, Jack and scoring 110% in the unfunny/worst thing ever test, Flubber. Just think back to when you all were watching those movies and count how many times you laughed, and not an awkward or pity laugh. He is so unfunny. I will grant him major props for Good Will Hunting, but it was such serendipity. Of all the people in Hollywood to be killed, Versace, Phil Hartman, John Lennon, why hasn’t somebody killed Robin. And how does he manage to find all these roles where he’s allowed to be soooooo stupid? Unbelievable. To finish, I have compiled a list of just a few things that are funnier than Robin Williams:
Amputation
Global Warming
Hurricanes
Oral Gonorrhea
Childhood Cancer

Palatable Pansies

2006-07-11T17:55:00.000-06:00

So last night I made the most incredible salad. From the picture, can you guess it? That’s right; I put flowers in my salad. In particular, they are pansies, violet, orange and yellow pansies. I found out that the delightful little flower growing on my balcony is totally eatable. So I picked some perfect ones and put them on a bed of lettuce. They taste a little weird because they are fuzzy, and, well, fuzzy isn’t a normal eatable texture but they taste like plant. Not bitter, not sweet. It was quite fun.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall.

2006-07-11T15:04:00.000-06:00

OK. It seems that I have been destine to write this blog (see here) . My hottest celeb list. What a delish topic. Who will top the hotness roll? Right now, my top is Giselle Bundchen. With all her hotness she has reached the top of the modeling world becoming the highest paid model ever and achieving status in the Genius Book of World Records. This boom shell is has an estimated value of $150 million and a personal salary of $15.5 million per year (outside of her successful sandal company). There is no one today that can rival her modeling career or photographs. Perfect body, perfect hair, perfect bank account, and legs for here to there. This is my hottest celeb.

mY buddinG artistrY

2006-07-10T16:51:00.000-06:00

So this weekend I turned into a painter. This is Untitled No.1. (36in x 46in) It describes the duality of my environment and me. Edmonton’s hot summer sandwiched between its sudden and frigid winters. Also, it describes my placid nature finely balanced over my steaming core. (The yellow is for textual interest, so don’t infer anything)

Summer Slump

2006-07-07T09:21:00.000-06:00

As I look around at people’s blogs I have noticed that many seem to be on a creative or expressive low now that summer has hit. Often with weeks to a month between entries, there is a reduced amount of entertainment in blogdom (and yes Kenny, I know you update yours at least once or twice a day, but its so boring that nobody reads them anymore). So I will try and post as many blogs as I can, regardless of how simple they may be.

First up, Dan Karaty. Idiot extraordinaire. As everyone’s least favorite judge on So You Think You Can Dance, this ‘once-may-have-been-good-looking-but-now-is-old’ hip hop choreographer has had to turn to being mean, and not in a funny way, to good dancers because it is apparent that he has no idea what he’s talking about. (le pant, le pant, long sentence) While other judges use dancing terms like developé, arabesque and pirouette, Dan uses terms like happy, exciting and feelin’ it. AHHHHH SHUT UP DAN.

Adude Abroad

2006-07-06T14:10:00.000-06:00

So, let me tell you about a trip I went on recently. Here is a picture of me that shows you where I was. That’s right, Kandahar. And this photo is not altered in anyway. It was hot, dry, and poorly populated. The fighting was brutal and I prayed for my life daily.
In actuality, this is a town, neigh, hamlet in Saskatchewan that was named in the 1800’s after the British conquest of Kandahar, Afghanistan. It also is hot, dry, under-populated and prayed I would survive beyond the town.

Shades of Summer

2006-07-05T08:30:00.000-06:00

This last long weekend was crazy. Well the town of Sylvan Lake was crazy. It was reported on the news as the Canadian Cancun. Aptly put I say. The weekend was hot with shade temperatures topping out near 30 and no clouds to weaken the suns intense radiation. One could almost smell the stench of burning flesh. The news stated the town hosted 30,000 people on its beaches. The highlight for me included the constant conversation about hockey trades. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Hockey is done, SHUT UP. The most memorable person seen this weekend was a young man walking around the streets with some crazy idea that he was the all that and a bag of chips. Not a single person walking by didn’t stare. His skin was the most offensive shade of burgundy. Yes, burgundy. The darkest tanning bed tan mixed with red burn from days in the unprotected sun and undoubtedly enhanced by bronzer. I truly missed the opportunity to laugh as my mouth was hung in shock. Several shades of brown, 2 fattening cones of Moo, and lots of people watching through carefully darkened sunglass later the weekend was a much needed retreat.

Today’s blog is brought to you by the Steal Workers of Edmonton.

2006-06-22T10:58:00.000-06:00

I love the hideous. In particular, the hideous clothes that people wear out of the house. Yesterday I was at Home Depot (a literal cornucopia of style disasters) and while I normally shield mine eyes while inside, I was caught off guard in the parking lot. A man emerges from the contractor’s entrance wearing a lovely shirt. It was a low-hanging ‘well-used’ tank top with the scribe “One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor”.
Does anyone else noticed these types of things? While holding back my gag reflux and finding every ounce of strength to keep walking I had to ponder how shirts like that still see the daylight. What sort of man walks to his closet after a shower and thinks:
“What to wear, what to wear. ‘Life’s a Beach’ shirt? No. My denim vest? No. Ahhh, my tequila floor tank top. Perfect.”
As he slides the aged and bally cotton over his shoulders and adjusts the stretched neckline to cover his sick man-nipples, he re-inspects his decision. “Yah, that looks pretty good.”
NO NO NO it does not. Oh the 80’s why do you mock us so? The 80’s are like that ugly girlfriend who after a sour breakup sticks around to remind you of your mistakes.

Better Than Chocolate

2006-06-14T10:51:00.000-06:00

So one of my summer students brought this little gift in that his Mom bought in Ireland. This chocolate tastes a lot better than the stuff we get here; there is no wax in to. In one day, we, as a lab, consumed about 3/5 of it (over half for those that are confused). And here is me gnawing on one end while Sarah thinks of the cellulite collecting in ones arse.
They say that sex is better than chocolate. So if I was to extrapolate from this particular bar it must be fantastic. Ney, beyond fantastic.

Tail of Two Stories

2006-06-06T07:31:00.000-06:00

1) So I went to go see X-Men on Friday and stumbled across perhaps this summers greatest movie. No, it's not Bjorks movie, it's even worse. I introduce to you Snakes on a Plane.
Is there no end to the stupidity. Ignore the fact that Sam L. Jackson has shot his career, but Julianna Margulies drops a deal with ER for $27 million to do this and Ghost Ship...??? This here is my favorite line. How embarrising for Hollywood.

2) I'm exiting the LRT this morning at about 7:00 when the man in the seat closest to the door does a HUGE face plant into the floor. His glasses bust in half and his hat flies across the train. I look at him then and the huge emptiness that is the car, then him, then nobody. I felt obligated to help, keeping in mind I avoid people as talking to them is like an awkward pain of a thousand knives. I ask if he was alright but he was unable to reply; Booze makes you disorientated as well as stupid and deaf. I tell him to stay put and I will get the train driver; a nice pass off. But he proceeds to get up, ignore the bloody gash on his face and stumble out onto the station. I inform him that his glasses are on the train still, "what?" he returns. This goes on for about 5 more tries. Now I worry he will fall on the concrete as that will hurt more then carpet. He falls again with all the grace of Helen Keller after being spun around 100 times and stays still. I retrieve his bits of glasses and hat and place them beside him and tell him to stay put. I successfully informed the driver and skulked off to write about it on my blog. Arn't I noble...

The other reason I watch 'So you think you can dance'

2006-06-01T17:49:00.000-06:00

Oops, I Fonted and it Stinks

2006-06-01T14:14:00.000-06:00

So I have done some Fonting updates. Now I know that I will be the only one to have this font but here is were you can get it for yourselves. Its called Parry Hotter; a combination of my two favorite things, Harry Potter and Spoonerisms. The other font is 'Kristen ICT', it comes standard on Windows XP, if you don't have it...too bad.

I love watching 'Sex' (that's right i said it)

2006-05-30T23:26:00.000-06:00

Perhaps one of my favorite auditions I have ever seen.
A question posed. 'Why, Kyle, do you watch So You Think You Can Dance?' This clip is why. There is no part of this clip that isn't priceless and sexy. Watch and enjoy this HIDEOUS display of man-kind and he in all his sex appeal. This family looks as if they had just been birthed from the sexxy, slimy goo of an egg, then profusely beat with an ugly stick, nay, club. Now sit back and enjoy...sex.

Best movie ever!!!

2006-05-19T12:34:00.000-06:00

OK, so I’ve been a Bjork fan for a while now (and seem to be the only one in Canada). Most/all people dislike her because her music is ‘weird’ or ‘hard to understand’. Well then this movie is for you. With a title like ‘Drawing Restraint 9’ how could this not be an easy film to watch? It is directed by Bjork’s husband and staring Bjork. No for real, the description of this film is as such:
The core idea of Drawing Restraint 9 is the relationship between self-imposed resistance and creativity, a theme it symbolically tracks through the construction and transformation of a vast sculpture of liquid Vaseline, called “The Field”, which is molded, poured, bisected and reformed on the deck of the ship over the course of the film.
HAHAHA, the trailer is super weird. Even I have no idea what’s going on. I don’t think there is any text in the whole movie. I guess I’m watching this one alone.

And The Winner Is…

2006-05-18T08:07:00.000-06:00

Its Danielle, I pumped because I have been cheering for her since the first episode but I was actually rooting Joanie. Oh well they are both hot to trot. The more important discovery last night was a delightfully perfect look-a-like. Check out Jade (whom we all hate) and her cartoon double, Yzma from Emperor’s New Groove. It’s totally perfect don’t you think? Anyone who’s seen the show knows that Jade acts the same way too. To great.

Oh ya, the Oilers won, round three for we, hooray.

My not so tough decision.

2006-05-16T13:33:00.000-06:00

Well I have a really, really tough choice to make on Wednesday concerning television programming. Here it is, the season finally of America’s Next Top Model vs the Oilers hockey game. That’s like a really hard decision, kinda like deciding between having a face or not. “Kyle, would you rather have a face, or not a face.” If my obvious lampoon is lost on anyone, see the answer in my blog links. There is absolutely no question as to what I would rather watch; hochey (misspelled for a reason) is so boring. Picture my world, Danielle is, like, the Vancouver Rangers and Joanie is the Montréal Ducks, it would be fine if either won the trophy, but if Jade, represented here by the Toronto Devils, won, I would go ape-shazz all over my TV. And to all you who say that’s gay…I will be watching hot, scantily clad chicks and you will be watching sweaty, toothless, mullet-clad dudes. Nuff Said. To top it all off, the third last episode of Alias, again way hotter than hockey, is on at the same time. I will have to tape it and watch that after.
Now don’t get me wrong, I want the Oil to win, bragging rights last longer than disinterestedness’s, but my mental capacity is being occupied by Joanie vs Danielle not Oil vs Shark. In a way I know exactly what’s going on in the game. Where I live there are four building all facing the same parking lot. Every time the Oilers score, the whole area erupts with horns and shouts as these ‘straight’ males, not watching hot chicks but watching gross dudes who managed to fit a small object in a carefully guarded and much bigger hole (no allegories in life here), yell from their deepest of bowls as the gross dudes heatedly embrace each other. Anys, I will let you all know how ANTM went.

The One-Actawful Productions

2006-05-10T09:47:00.000-06:00

So I attended a series of home growing one acts last night and I was gently reminded that local playwrights and amateur theater is terrible. I state growing because they were apparently at the ‘infancy’ stages of growth. At first Sarah and I were confused as to why the whole cast of the first play was holding scripts. I was searching for hidden meaning behind the actions as the play was about a lunatic. But after the second play started and they too were holding and reading scripts I was outraged. I paid $10 for tickets to attend an unprepared production? Now, had the plays been interesting, thought provoking, funny or even good I might not have minded. But weak direction and superficial writing had me rolling my eyes almost the whole production. It was particularly difficult to keep a straight face and silent while Sarah and I laughed at almost anything, heavyish nurse bending over to reveal granny panties, the single old men in the audience, or the unbearably long (one hour to be exact) third play staring one dude, and a plastic fish in a fish bowl. Brock, I’m sure you remember last years plays, the one about the couple and their deconstructing relationship… I guess I really shouldn’t complain, they are amateurs but complaining is what a do best.